


Hello Again

by reddie_loves



Series: It Fandom Week 2018 [2]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Breakup, M/M, References to Depression, Reunions, Richie likes to ignore his feelings in hopes they'll go away, Sort of? - Freeform, they won't, uhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 22:39:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15805980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reddie_loves/pseuds/reddie_loves
Summary: Richie Tozier was never one to focus on the issues in his life. He didn’t tell any of his friends or lovers how much he hurt, because if he could lose himself in others ways he would never have to dwell on his pain. And because of this, everyone around him believed he was happy.You might say that Richie Tozier simply wasn’t a vulnerable person. So if you knew that he once was, you might be surprised. And when you knew why he wasn’t anymore, it made sense. Because the man who taught him to open up was also the one who broke his heart into disrepair, and that man was Eddie Kaspbrak.





	Hello Again

Richie Tozier was never one to focus on the issues in his life. He didn’t tell any of his friends or lovers how much he hurt, because if he could lose himself in others ways he would never have to dwell on his pain. And because of this, everyone around him believed he was happy. 

He couldn’t open up, using his voices and jokes as cries for help in plain sight, even though if he was given help he wouldn’t know what to do with it. Richie dug deeper into his job as a radio host, making it harder every time to come back out and be himself. But was there really a himself? To him, that ‘self’ was his job, and before that his humor, so he stuck with no emotions showing.

It was easier to pretend to be someone you’re not. 

You might say that Richie Tozier simply wasn’t a vulnerable person. So if you knew that he once was, you might be surprised. And when you knew why he wasn’t anymore, it made sense. Because the man who taught him to open up was also the one who broke his heart into disrepair, and that man was Eddie Kaspbrak. 

His Eds. The boy he had known since he was all of seven years old. The boy he had fallen in love with at fourteen, gotten with at eighteen, and stayed with until he was twenty-three. And things were perfect, until they weren’t. Until Eddie left. 

And Richie doesn’t linger on thoughts of the man he loved, and maybe still loves, he’s not sure,

(he is. he knows)

when he has so many other things to spend his time on. Even if it’s difficult. Even if everything reminds him of his ex lover, down to bike rides, every possible type of weather, and simply looking at a window for too long. 

And maybe Richie has never fully moved on, though he’s twenty-eight now. The five year break-aversary (not that he’s counting, of course) was a few months ago in May, and that’s plenty of time to get over someone. It was a simple break; they fought, and this time it got to be too much. They slept in different rooms that night, and Eddie was gone when Richie woke up. So Richie tells himself he’s over it. He’s never been able to make a relationship last besides that one, but that doesn’t matter if you don’t think about it. 

Today, however, gives him reasons to think about Eds… no, Eddie. 

What have his intrusive emotions done to make an entrance? Eddie is standing in the same room as him, about ten feet away, eyes scanning the room as though he’s searching for something. And if Richie was smarter, he might leave. He could turn around before Eddie spots him nearby, but that doesn’t happen. All it took to push his feelings away is undone, everything is rushing back, and maybe they never fully left in the first place. 

Eddie has all the charm that made Richie fall in love with him all those years ago,

(and never stopped)

and it’s impossible to look away. He’s lost in his mind in this moment - the love, picture-perfect memories, how the sun would shine in Eddie’s face and make his eyes sparkle, the kisses, laughing at Richie’s idiocy, and then the downfall. Eddie leaving, ripping his heart out as he begged at his lover’s feet to no avail, a cruel heart and even worse-

“Hey Rich”.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by an all-too familiar voice that he was convinced he would never hear again, and he’s staring the Devil himself straight in the eye. 

Eddie is clearly recognizable, the only big difference being his longer hair that’s curling at the ends and almost to his warm brown eyes, that for some reason still hold some of the love he used to have for Richie and Richie alone. He used to adore gazing into Eddie’s eyes as if they held all the answers in the universe, and Richie would be fixed just by loving him. 

And all the oxygen is suddenly gone, leaving him unable to even respond. He left. He never cared about him in the first place, it was all a lie, and he has the audacity to appear in Richie’s city and simply say ‘hey’? 

He has to force some words out eventually, he remembers. 

“Hi”. Richie’s response is monotone and bland in an attempt to act like he doesn’t care

(he does).

They stay there awkwardly, Richie sitting at the bar with Eddie standing next to him. They break eye contact and the silence remains for what feels like forever - though is probably no more than a minute - until Eddie speaks again. “So… what’s been going on with you lately?” 

Richie scoffs at that, looking down at his beer. “It’s great to see you, Eddie”, he curls his lip up at the name and Eddie flinches in the corner of his eye, “What brings you to New York other than to rub in my face how well you’re doing with me gone?” Eddie looks uncomfortable. Good. He wants to make him hurt. There’s a pause where Eddie seems to be finding something to say; an explanation, a counter to Richie’s sentence, at least something. 

When Satan speaks, it is softly. “I’m not here to hurt you, Richie”. 

Richie gives a mirthless chuckle and looks up, back at Eddie, shifting his body to better face him. “Then why the fuck are you here, because last I checked, you fucking left me!” He starts at a normal volume before ramping it up to a yell, causing a couple witnesses to glance over in their direction. Richie’s mad and he has no issue with showing it. “I don’t know what you want me to fucking do Eddie! You show up here with no reason-”

“I have a reason”, Eddie cuts him off, “And you don’t need to be angry-”

“I have every excuse to be angry right now! We haven’t talked in five fucking years! That’s a long time when the person you love leaves you because he ‘just doesn’t love you anymore’, but you wouldn’t care about that would you? Look at Eddie, the man with no heart, who thinks he can just appear out of hell and act like everything’s fine!” When Richie’s done with his rant he’s breathing heavier, glaring at the man before him who seems to want to wither but is trying to push through it. 

Eddie looks away and clicks his tongue against his teeth before going back to Richie’s gaze. He pauses and takes a deep breath to steel himself for his next words. “I’m here… I’m here because I’m sorry and I want to see you”. 

With that everything Richie wanted to say is gone. Eddie notices that his face is less hostile and seems to relax because of it, and Richie wants to care about that but he can’t. Should he? He stares down at the bar counter. Eddie said he was sorry, and… and it might be true. And Richie wants to shove him and stomp on his heart and make him hurt, but he can’t. He wishes he was stronger so he could tell Eddie ‘no’, because it’s like he’s so starstruck by the miracle that is Eddie Kaspbrak that he could never do anything but make him happy. He wants the best for him no matter how much damage he puts himself to.

In this moment Richie realizes that he still loves him. He’s ignored everything for years to try and become another person, but he just can’t. He considers saying something to show his anger like wow, dickhead, you didn’t seem sorry when you left or telling Eddie to eat shit, but the possible words leave a sour taste in his mouth. He loves him, and he wants to stay upset, really he does. 

But that’s just not possible when you sit face to face with everything that brings you life and happiness and death and depression in the best ways Richie could ever know. 

Eddie states, voice with a hint of hope, “I know I left, and that was wrong. I’ve never forgotten you Rich, not for five years”. Richie looks up at that. Is Eddie saying he never forgot him? He continues, “You’re right to be angry, and if you had walked out on me I probably wouldn’t still be sitting here.” 

Eddie smiles and Richie’s insides light up at that, and he gives a laugh. “But I’m here because I fucked up the best part of my life. I was stupid, I didn’t know how to handle myself, and I hate that I hurt you. I’ve been searching for you to tell you this, and I… I just want to start again, because…” Eddie pauses, eyes suddenly interested in his drink. 

Richie’s holding his breath at whatever he’s going to say next. It might be a bit pathetic that he’s still lost under his old lover, and he knows that, but in this moment he can’t be bothered to care if Eddie’s going to say something important. 

“Because…” Eddie repeats and finds the courage to look up. “Because I love you. Richie, I love you and I never stopped.” With that, Eddie goes quiet as if he’s questioning everything he just confessed. Richie, on the other hand, can barely breathe, and he does the one thing he can think of. 

He carelessly sets his beer on the counter, reaches over to cup Eddie’s face where his startled eyes are sinking into Richie’s, and kisses him. 

Eddie gives a little gasp before reciprocating it, and suddenly their hands are all over each other and neither wants to pull away. They’re moving with fervor, like they have to get as much of the other as possible or else they’ll disappear. Richie opens his legs so a standing Eddie can press their bodies together, mouths working as one, because even if it’s been a while their tongues still remember exactly what to do around each other. Richie sucks on the other man’s bottom lip, causing him to groan and run his thumb over Richie’s face. 

They pull apart but just barely, foreheads pressed together, panting for air, eyes closed. Eddie takes a hand off Richie’s face and weaves it together with a nearby hand of Richie’s, whose eyes flutter open to take in Eddie’s flushed face. He’s taking in the furrow in Eddie’s brows that he always found just so cute, because if he doesn’t he’s afraid Eddie might vanish. 

And with that thought he remembers how angry he was at Eddie for leaving. He needs answers, but can’t bring himself to pull away. He needs to push away his love for the man and have a conversation, be level-headed if Richie Tozier ever could. He can’t forgive Eddie yet, but maybe something could come from this just yet. 

Breath fanning across Eddie’s face, he whispers one question. Just a simple, one-word question that may contain the entire answer to any future relationship between the two.

“Why?”

Eddie’s eyes blink open to make contact with Richie’s. He knows he needs to convince him that he meant what he said when he admitted, just a couple minutes ago, that he never stopped loving Richie. He has since he was thirteen and he never stopped. 

And with his voice barely reaching above a murmur, Eddie Kaspbrak pours his heart out. “The night we argued, the night before I left… I saw how much I hurt you. I could see how much pain I brought you, even just in your eyes… and I told myself never again. Rich, I promised myself that with all the heartbreak you’ve gone through that I could never be the one to cause it. But that was a lie, it turned out, because I did. And… and I realized that and I couldn’t live with myself. Yeah, we had fought before, but never that bad. I was young and naive, I had no idea how to solve it, so I did what a coward like me knows best. I just ran.”

“I should never have let you go, but at the same time…” Eddie drifts off in thought and is silent for a moment, waiting for Richie to absorb his words. “I think- I think if I stayed we would have had to still take a break.”

“Eddie… Eds. Eds. You can’t just do that.” Richie’s voice cracks on the last syllable. 

“I know, it was a bad way to go, and we- we should have-”

“Talked.” Richie cuts him off. “We need to talk about things, Eds, you can’t leave me. I- I love you too much to lose you, not again, you understand?” Richie stares straight at him now, the confession hanging in the air between them, and Richie prays Eddie accepts it. 

A smile plays across Eddie’s lips, one of hope, hope that Richie and him might just work. “I know.”  
Richie chuckles. “Did you Han Solo me?”

“It would seem so, my love.” 

Richie’s brain short circuits at that and he freezes, causing Eddie’s smiling face to change into a frown, and he finally pulls away from the forehead touch and drops the hand on Richie’s face. “I’m sorry, shit, was that too much or-”

He shakes his head and grips Eddie’s hand in his tighter. “Never.”

If they hug tightly for a little too long after that, well, that’s not something they acknowledge. Richie knows they have things to work out, a life to build back up, to figure things out again, but they’ll make it work like they always do. It won’t be perfect. Communication is difficult; it shows your vulnerability, and Richie isn’t too good with that. But Eddie taught him how to do that before, and maybe he can heal him again. 

So Richie Tozier was never one to focus on the issues in his life, but with Eddie Kaspbrak by his side, he might just be able to.


End file.
